The Colors of the Wind
Moods change in a flash, at the drop of a hat. Expressions abound that exclaim the
manner in which something can stop on a dime. We are use to it. We think that a
mood has attacked us from the outside, but beware of the friendly defense that adopts
a posture to defend you; it has a mind of its own.
We have a divided mind and an ego that is split in two; and then, that little piece of machinery
sits in a vast ocean of consciousness that has ideas and drives and missions of its own. It is
no wonder that we feel avalanched by our own wisdom. Ambivalence is one of the most
difficult states to accept and to consider without taking an action. Ambivalence is a revolving
door with no exit.
Ambivalence is equally balanced like a perfect teeter-totter, it gently moves up and down
with seemingly no effort. The problem lies in making a decision out of such a perfectly balanced
set of options. Decisions are difficult, but when they are both characterized as various sides
of an egoic conflict, they are impossible.
Moods occur when a decisions needs to be made but the libido has no strength. With no libido,
no urge, not tendency in one particular direction, the energy seems to dissipate without an aim.
The mind is left with not a viable direction. It is told to go this way then that way with equal
force. The machinery of the ego is in neutral, stuck, unable to move without a pleasure to aim for.
The energy that sould have escaped from the body remains in the body and becomes a depression
or a psychosomatic illness. With enough of the energy remaining within, dangerous conditions
like cancer and heart conditions, or ulcers, or allergies can become the focal point of the ego within.
As humans we have developed and evolved an intricate network of neurons that conduct firings
everywhere and anywhere that we are able to let them fly. Of course, the well analyzed, the well
put together human has an advantage. That individual knows that all that needs to be done
is to tolerate the feeling without action and the feeling will pass. The energy will not attach
internally. It will remain available for pleasures and joys and successes out-side of itself.
Psychic energy has rules that it follows. Some of these rules are as old as the hills, while other
have become convenient only in the relatively short past. The idea of sin is an example of a rule that
may have out-run its usefulness to mankind. God no longer needs to categorize us into good and bad.
There are more useful ways of conducting morality then there were in the distant past.
However, it does remain necessary for man and woman to get along not only with each other
but with the earth and the other animals that it was allegedly given dominion over. In modern
day america, we have substituted money for values. The accumulation of a lot of money is
thought of as an individual right. I am not talking about the several million you have in
your IRA. I am talking about the multi-billion dollar industries who contrive to
discover any means of extraction that they can come up with to have you part with the little that
you have. Pills that literally cost an arm or a leg or a life.
Capital Crime is no longer punished. We only consider sin to be among the common folks,
among the indigenous of Detroit or the Bronx, or the migrant workers imported to pick a
crop then chased off the land because they have no papers. Sin is being poor. Crimes of
greed are let off the hook, because everybody knows an uncle who makes money. And the
political and corporate machinery knows of nothing except egoic thinking.
Thinking and feeling and knowing have become at a premium. The independent person
who is unhampered by his ego, or any other ego for that matter, is the person who has
become themselves; and money or no money they decide actions based on assessing what is
in their hearts. Heart-felt knowledge is gold. When we have arrived at the awareness that
all conflict is within and that all conflict is egoically based, we might strive to look for information
from the vast sea of consciousness that is equally ours to tap. The Heart-felt knowledge that
is capable as accessing joy and is able to part with love because they know that Love is and Action,
a verb, “to love” is the infinitive. Love is not a noun, not a place, thing nor person. It is an action
that when taken provides an immediate hit of joy.
the colors of the wind….watercolor digitally re-painted in iphoto
dr. albert dussault
mindfulness in psychoanalysis